I deleted a comment on the last post because it was just full of insults and nonsense and I just won’t have it… I really don’t mind people disagreeing with me… I actually like exchanging ideas with people that I don’t agree with so that I can see the arguments that they are presenting…
However… I won’t let someone outright insult me… not here anyways…. so I have put the moderation mode on the comments… I won’t delete a comment because someone doesn’t agree with me but I will not let it go through if it is insulting….
As for the comment it was from an anonymous poster…. and pretty much said that formula by prescription was so dramatic that I should be writing for soap operas and that I was stupid, didn’t have an education, can’t read studies etc etc….

side note…
All the comments that I make are not at all against the users of Formula, it is about the substance itself (I know people might see it as being the same but it really isn’t) … and the Hate that I have is against Formula is mostly toward the companies that make it…. they are the ones that have made people actaully think that Formula is an equal (and good) option…. they are the ones that hide the dangers of Formula etc…. We all want what is best for our children… I just want the truth about formula to be known and the truth is that it can be very dangerous and is not at all a equal choice as the Formula companies make it out to be…

I gave a Pre-natal last night and I got home at 10pm!… The nurse asked me if I could present some wraps and slings at the end of the class and I of course gladly accepted… We did the whole class, there was about 10 couples one of the biggest groups that I have had to date and also the most talkative. One mom in particular was very off the idea of breastfeeding and really had a head full of outdated info and tons of myths… she is having her second child 20 years after her first and I think is still dealing with guilt issues of her first parenting experience… Anyways I suffered through the stupid breastfeeding video from the 80’s that they have to show (I have seen it at least a dozen times now and it is just getting old!!) and then at the end of the class I showed the wrap and sling… everyone thought it was great and they all took my card… just as I was packing up a mom came up to me, asked about price, when she could call, where I live etc… and then asked if I always have some at home… I had brought the slings that I have left with me so I showed her what I had and she bought one right away…

The nurse came back in the room at that point and we started talking… the girl that bought the wrap is a local police officer and she and the nurse our friends… we started talking and something she said really surprised me… she HATES giving the classes because she doesn’t like what she has to say… she has to stick by the rules and they are the rules that she herself doesn’t adhere to… We talked about how hard it was to have to recommend things, teach things that we just don’t agree with. We have to put our own feelings and experiences aside and give the ‘blanket recommendation’ (Vit D supplements, co-sleeping etc)
We talked about how hard it was to talk about breastfeeding, talk about how important it is, talk about how easy it can be, talk about it being the best when you know very well that you are wasting your breath….

We both wished that we could stop talking about the importance of breastfeeding and could just focus on the dangers of Formula….

If Breastfeeding reduces the risks of :

Cancer (breast, ovarian, and uterine for mom and baby girls), obesity, asthma, Crohn’s disease, diabetes (and insulin requirements in diabetic mothers), Allergies, Helps prevent post-partum hemorrhage, Ear infections, diarrheal infections, bacterial meningitis, respiratory infections, rheumatoid arthritis, Hodgkins disease, protects baby against some vision defects, osteoporosis etc…etc…etc….

AND Breastfeeding is the NORMAL way to feed our child…

Then it can be easily concluded that Formula is a CAUSE of many of these diseases…

Again… I am Tired of talking about the benefits of breastfeeding when it is the dangers of Formula that we should be focusing on… but that will never happen because we don’t want to make moms feel ‘guilty’ and there is no money to be made by breastfeeding….

This of course is proof…

Anyways… it felt good to talk with someone that is in the same situation and it makes me feel good to know that there are more and more with the same ideas as me, people that I can share with and have great conversations with….

It saddens me that in our culture that women are often so self oriented. The women I see around me, those I talk to, often work out of the home, need to get out once a week for dinner and a movie with their significant other, go for lunches on a regular basis with girlfriends, get their nails done, their hair done and all of the other stuff that they seem to find “important”… all the stuff that they did before they had children. Yet don’t see the importance of raising their kids completely, don’t see the importance of being a full time mom. They see motherhood and their kids as being a threat to the way that they define themselves. They cling to the identity that they had when childless and don’t want to leave any of that behind. They define themselves as women, as feminists, as working moms, as “themselves”…

I really don’t have anything against moms that work out of the home, they have their own reasons I guess and I can’t argue with them because they see it as doing what is right for them. However, I personally can’t understand it…

I can understand that there are some moms that are alone and that need the money and don’t have a choice… I can understand that it is sometimes the mom that makes more money, I can’t understand why the dad wouldn’t stay at home, I can’t understand the ones that say they “need” the money for their second car, the big house, the trips and the plasma screen TV…. I can’t understand how people say that they are the ones raising their kids when their kids are in daycare 5 days a week for 10 hours a day…

I know a few moms that have their kids in daycare full time and see the reality that the daycare has a great influence on their child’s life (negative as well as positive)… the daycare workers are the ones that often see the first steps, hear the first word, kiss booboo’s away, teach and take care of the children… others that I know don’t see the daycare as being anything more then a place that they take their children for a “few” hours and they are the only ones “raising” their kids….

Yes, maybe there are women that really just do love their jobs and want to continue to work and to them I would just have to agree to disagree because I love my job as mother too.Before I had kids I was in school, working, went out, had fun, got married and had time with my husband to get to know him, I was myself, doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it… When I had kids, I stayed the same yet changed. I became a Mom. I took on a definition to my life that I don’t see as being contradictory to myself but complimentary. Sure I don’t do all of the things that I did before and sure I miss it sometimes but for now, especially while the kids are so young my job is to be a mother and I can be myself while doing that. I understood that I only have a few years to raise my kids, to teach them, to discover them, to make them feel like they are the most important beings on the face of this earth. When they are a bit older, I can do more of the things that I did before (if they still interest me). Raising my children is the most important job that I could ever hold in my life, and they reward me everyday for doing so.

I know that for some women working out of the house is what they equate to being equal to men… I understand the “equality” issue… however, the most common complaints that I have hear about the “traditiona” nuclear family has often been how the mom was the one raising the kids while the dad was the one that came home tired and cranky at night and that was seen only on weekends… Is this what women really want? To be away from their kids as much as the men in the past?

I don’t see myself as inferior for staying home and raising my kids… there are women that provide childcare as a living… am I inferior to them? No, I am not paid. But I am doing the same thing… I am just doing it for myself instead of paying someone else to do it for me…

I guess I am lucky in the fact that I have a husband that acknowledges that what I do is important and that I work hard. He expects of my to raise my kids, not raise him, he doesn’t expect that the house is spotless but smiles when the kids have drawings or crafts to show him. He is hardworking out and in the home. He sees me as an equal and treats as such.

I think the overall problem with the image of women is the home stems from the image of man being dominant because of it… The problem with this though is that the way to change this view is to change the mentality of the men and doing so can only be done by showing that being a mom is a job like any other and that the other stuff just needs to be equally divided between the mom and the dad…

The other problem is the constant conception that those who actually love to be home with their kids on a full time basis are really lying to themselves and are just trying to be Martyrs are second class citizens and are not ‘modern’ women etc…If you really want to work then do so.. I don’t think that everyone should and has to be a SAHM… but it doesn’t mean that it isn’t a valid choice and that it isn’t as important a job… but I truly believe that in choosing for both parents to work outside of the home that it also means that you are willing to share and leave the responsibility of raising your kids with someone else….

Afterthought: don’t we all think of things the morning after

I think the important thing is that we have to understand that a woman doesn’t have to lose herself to become a full time mom…

She doesn’t just take on the challenge of taking care of her children but takes on the challenge of redefining herself. Some things are left behind and forgotten and they are often the petty things, leaving the core of who we really are and then we rebuild from there. Past friendships may dwindle and be left behind leaving time and space for another generation of friends that we will keep for a lifetime. It does take a village to raise a child and through the friendship that I have made I am building my village, friends for my kids, other kids that I can kiss booboo’s for, other adults to give and get ideas and support, and share with.

I didn’t lose myself by staying home but redefined and enriched myself.

Kelly wrote this in the comments on the EC post…
“I think there is a huge distinction between Natural Family stuff and AP. There are folks out there who do both, but there are also lots of super AP folks who just don’t care for the NF stuff.”

I really need to respond… To me EC IS AP…

In itself I don’t see diapering as a whole being part of AP though I do see Cloth diapers as being NP (Natural Parenting)

However… I see EC as being an extension of AP more then an NP practice.. (though it can be NP if you look at it simply as a diapering issue i.e… using less/no diapers at all)

To me EC is about my child communicating a basic need (to eliminate) and me being in tune enough to pick up on those cues and bring him to the potty… It is a relationship, such as breastfeeding is a response to hunger and comfort cues, EC is a response to elimination cues…

Though changing less to no diapers is a big plus of EC for me it is not the goal… it is the communication that occurs…

I think this is the point that doesn’t get across to many people… it seems that they just see EC as being about early potty training… It is so much more!!!

Though I understand that it is not for everyone, and I don’t think it needs to be necessary part of AP, I truly believe that EC is an AP practice and not NP…

With EC in the news lately I have been hearing a lot of negative comments…
First of all.. If you don’t want to do it then don’t do it!!
These people seem to think that EC kids are just eliminating all around the house and soiling everything… Don’t they know that kids are intelligent and KNOW when they need to eliminate and when you use diapers you are teaching them to eliminate in their diaper and soil themselves??!! My 3 yo was a diaper baby.. Cotton and pampers all of the way… He didn’t want to have anything to do with the toilet until just before he turned 3.. His toilet was the thing that he wore everywhere.. I taught him as a baby that he needed to eliminate in his diaper and it has been hard to get him to unlearn that habit!
Don’t they know that many mom’s use diapers as a backup and instead of changing a soiled diaper they just bring their child to the potty and then put the clean diaper back on… Why is it that people say that they don’t have the time… Pottying means no messy clothes, no messy cleanups, no diaper rash, no fighting etc… It actually saves time…
Don’t they know that there are some moms that use EC even though they work full time, are out of the house often, want to go out sometimes etc?… As with many things… a little can be better then none at all and at least the child knows both ways… As for leaving the house… There are many solutions and kids CAN hold it in!!! Do people not leave the house with their 4 years olds cause they might have to stop to go to the bathroom?
Colin has been EC’d since he was about 3 months old… Next time I am starting at birth… I have to admit that he was doing great until he started to walk and went on a major potty strike and lost the habit of telling us as often and then we lost the habit also… However, he didn’t lose the feeling of going and everyday he is going potty more and more and can even go and sit on the potty by himself… and is using less and less diapers as the days go by….
I think the real reason that people speak so negatively about EC is that they are not/don’t want to be that tuned in to their kids.. they want to use pampers that absorb 1000 times their weight in moisture because they don’t want to be inconvenienced by changing a diaper often… (I have too many times seen moms that leave their kid in a poo soiled diaper because “they ‘just’ changed them”) I think people are also jealous or feel guilty about not being tuned into their children’s cues as much…
Some people use the argument that it is just the parent being ‘trained’… If that is true then I we are also ‘trained’ to feed our children when they tell us they are hungry, ‘trained’ to bath them when they are dirty or ‘trained’ to comfort them when they are need comfort… (OH YEAH!!! they also probably don’t agree with that either and need an object to do that for them too)

On an AP newsgroup that I read and participate on I had a little debate this morning… It was friendly, I don’t think any feelings where hurt on either side so there is no harm done… however, I feel the need to talk about the subject here on my blog…

A question was asked…Are AP’d kids less likely to need a”lovie”, pacifier etc… My first instinct is to say yes… however, 19 responses later revealed that many of the kids have transitional object…

However, I still believe that AP kids are less likely to need them…First, Pacifiers…It seems that most people that answered that their kids are attached to pacifiers are the ones that didn’t breastfeed for whatever reason… (I will be addressing this in another post ), a few kids had transitional object because of daycare and then a 2-3 others that had kids that picked up transitional objects for no reason other then they wanted it… and then a few moms had kids that had no attachments to any object…

One woman then mentioned that she was talking to a “PH.D” friend of hers that told her that having a paci etc is not a burden but a “gift”… the gift to “self-soothe”… this is where the debate started (if you could even call it that)…

I’m in Blue she is in Red

As for the pp who talked about the importance of a transitional object because the child learns to ’self-soothe’ I respectively don’t agree… they are not ’self-soothing’ they relying on an object to soothe them… Take away the object, you take away the ‘ability’…

Also, I don’t see the importance of ’self-soothing’ until they are ready to do so, so I would rather them depend on me then on an object… I am also one of those that do not like Paci’s… especially for a breastfed baby… I understand that some moms say they need them but in the year that I have been a breastfeeding counsellor I have seen too many cases of nipple confusion and low supply issues because of a paci… and personally I would rather be the paci for my kids…
I don’t think that there is anything wrong with a transitional object… Personally, I don’t like it but I do know that many kids really need it and it is a lifesaver for moms that can’t be there all of the time… of kids that just really need them…

Self-soothing is a good thing at any age! I agree that the bink in the early weeks can interfere with BF and should be avoided.

I am confident I can soothe my child, but I am also confident not to feel guilty or less-AP if my baby can find comfort in his bink or his thumb.

Some babies and children get comfort orally — no biggie. Others like the feel and touch of something. Also no biggie. Any child who can center themselves with the use of a transitional object is blessed with a gift — and there is absolutely NO HARM in that gift unless it interferes with developmental progress, which is extremely rare.

Again.. I have see nothing wrong or un-AP with a child choosing a transitional object… and I don’t see anything wrong with self-soothing at any age (if the child chooses to do it and is not forced to do it)
But, again, I don’t see it as “Self-soothing” when there is a reliance on something (be it a person or an object)
So I personally wouldn’t agree with the PHD friend of yours as seeing it as a gift… it is just another thing that the child will have to wean from… (which again is OK if done when they are ready to do it by themselves)
I guess the best way to explain what I mean is to say this…
I think that personality can bring some kids to seek a transitional object even if they are the most attached, AP’d child and any AP mom will recognize that need…
However, I also think that AP’d kids NEED less transitional objects because of the parenting style… KWIM?

I agree with almost everything but your last nine words.

I’d say that it may be true that AP children on average may use transitional objects less because AP parents on the whole don’t introduce them.

And I think we are just speaking past each other on the self-soothing. I define self soothing as being able to center oneself without the aid of another person, you seem to define it as centering without the aid of anything external. What is interesting about your definition is that I can’t even do that [i/]. LOL!

In order to relax, I often need to have a drink of water, or a nice long hug from DH. Sometimes when I am tense at work I find myself chewing on the end of my pencil. These actions all “soothe” me. Indeed, I only know a few [i/] grown ups who can effectively self-soothe completely on their own without any external assistance. Those folks are rare and truly amazing people — they tend not get to get ruffled by anything.

So I count the use of transitional objects and binks as a means of self-soothing. Most children will give up such objects/habits when they are ready to give them up — sort of like child led weaning.

Personally I see self-soothing as a way of coping without relying on one fixed object (be it a paci, a bear or even mom)… and though I think that learning how to “self-soothe’ is important later on in life… I don’t emphasize the importance in infancy, babyhood, toddlerhood etc… Of course, again there are some children that will latch themselves on an object even if the parent is there… and I think that that can be part of a natural progression…
And, personally, IMO, I would rather be that ‘object’ then having something else…I think that kids need to have us to rely on so that we can in turn teach them how to soothe themselves.. KWIM?
Of course, as an adult I too have things to help me cope and “self-soothe”, DH, hot bath, a cup of tea, music etc…
I also don’t see anything wrong in having someone to help you soothe as an adult as long as you have those skills in place…
I’d say that it may be true that AP children on average may use transitional objects less because AP parents on the whole don’t introduce them.

I agree… BUT, It’s not like AP moms keep all teddy bears, blankets etc away from their kids…if a child wants or needs a transitional object they WILL find one..and an AP mom won’t take it away but nurture that need…
however, I do think that AP kids need them less…

I guess we’ll have to agree on disagreeing

Anyway… I really don’t think that there is anything wrong with having a transitional object as long as it is not because there is a lack of parental attachment, and I think that the need comes up less in AP kids then in non-AP’d kids… I also think that those that do choose an object for themselves often do it later on and it is truly a “transitional” object to help them on their own path to independence.
I even have to admit that both boys do have Teddies (well an Owl and a mouse) that we gave them with the hope that they would become favorites… however, neither of them did… both do like their blankets that they sleep with every night but they are not missed if they are not there…

so what do you think?

Do AP’d kids NEED lovies paci’s etc as much as non-AP’d kids?

Yesterday I went to Xavier’s daycare because it was their picture day and it wasn’t a day that he goes to daycare…
While I was waiting a mom there heard me speak in English to Xavier and asked me if I was going to send him to “Harold Sheppard” the only english school in the region… I told her that I didn’t think so because I didn’t hear good things about it … and just before I told her that I was going to be homeschooling anyways she told me how she had heard that it was a great school and that is why she is sending her kids there… I told her about what I had heard….It is an English school in which the teachers are french, french is spoken in the school and the level of english is seemingly appalling… She interupted me again saying that she didn’t find that and she even had to fight with the teachers to speak french with her daughter because her daughter didn’t know a word of english and it wasn’t fair for her, and that she even though of taking her out of the school because she is there to learn english, “afterall we are in Quebec” so they should speak french…. ARGGGHHHH …
First I I looked at this mom like she had a second head… and then I couldn’t help it… So I told her… See, THAT’s why I don’t want to send me kids there… when there are is large majority of the kids that don’t speak english at all, never have and then the parents tell the teachers to speak in french also, I can’t imagine the level of english is near standard, and if the kids are just learning how to speak english the entire time, when do they learn all of the other stuff?… I then told her that I was going to homeschool anyways…
It is an ENGLISH SCHOOL!!! I understand that people want their kids to learn english but why does it have to sacrifice education… I called the school yesterday after this incident and asked them about their school… yes most of the teachers are bilingual but with french as their first language and out of the 80 families that have kids in the school only 3 are english…
I am glad that I am going to Homeschool… I have always wanted it and more and more there is no other alternative…

More to come….