Archives for Alternative Parenting category
Posted on Aug 4th, 10 at
3:07 pm under Family Life, Unschooling
4
Aug
Something got my attention in the pool when I was in the kitchen. I saw something floating, then it thrashed and I realized it was a bird…
I called out to Simon that there was something in the pool and that it was drowning and to go help it quickly.
He came back with this little one…all wet and shivering and breathing fast.
It was most likely his first flight and ended up in the pool, he would not have lasted another minute…
I got a box and put a towel in it to give it a chance to warm up…
About 10 minutes later, his eyes started opening…
I didn’t know that it was a baby Robin, but my neighbor came by and told me what he was…. then whenever we got close he started to open his beak and show us that he was hungry. My mama heart broke.
My cat eats birds often, they live and die, but this little one was pulling at my heartstrings…
Then I saw her… On the fence, with a full beak, a mama robin, looking for her baby.
I took a chance and brought the box with the baby near where the mama was… She saw him right away, in the box in my hands, and her gaze followed us as I placed the box on the side of the pool… she went from place to place making sure the path was clear and then went to him…
As I was contemplating what to do next as he was very exposed to the sun and the cats on the side of the pool, the mama left the box for a few minutes…
I turned to get another picture of her…
and when turning back I saw him on the side of the box and in an instant… fly down into the bushes…
He made it 
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Posted on Jul 13th, 10 at
10:41 pm under Alternative Parenting
13
Jul
There, I said it.
My kids are perfect.
They are perfect at smiling, at laughing and hugging.
They are perfect at jumping on beds, running in the yard and I can’t even express how perfect they are at screaming.
They are perfect at playing and discovering.
They are perfect at learning at their very own pace.
They are perfect at asking questions and asking more and more questions.
They are perfect at letting us know what they need.
They are perfect at following their passions.
They are perfect at spending time playing video games, and board games, and watching DVD’s.
They are perfect at making rules and breaking rules.
They are perfect at testing boundaries, their own and those of others.
They are perfect at being siblings.
They are perfect at being frustrated.
They are perfect at choosing what and how much to eat.
They are perfect at making messes.
They are perfect at trying to understand how the world works and what their place is in it.
They are perfect at cuddling in the middle of the night or the wee hours of the morning.
They are perfect at getting our attention.
They are perfect at making sure our lives are not dull.
They are perfect at being carefree and happy.
They are perfect at having worries and being scared.
They are perfect at entertaining themselves.
They are perfect at being energetic.
They are perfect at being bored.
They are perfect at being impulsive.
They are perfect at remembering details that we never even noticed.
They are perfect at speaking their minds.
They are perfect at being authentic and honest.
My kids are perfect at being Kids.
Now it is my goal, my struggle to let them be perfect.
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Posted on Jul 8th, 10 at
12:11 pm under Alternative Parenting, Unschooling
8
Jul
Discipline in a parent’s view is crucial.
What seems to differ though is what the word “discipline” actually represents. For many, it means controlling and correcting through punishment, either physical or emotional. If you read my blog, or look back in the archives, you know that I believe that discipline means to model behaviour, to be a guide and facilitator and to teach self-discipline. I don’t believe in using physical force (hitting, tapping, etc.) or emotional force (time-outs, ultimatums, threats, etc.) as forms of effective teaching, or “discipline”, I actually think that they do more harm than good and they are steps back.
Over the years I have read many articles, blog posts or discussion board posts and have had conversations with people that critique natural discipline, positive parenting, non-coercive parenting.
All seem to repeat the same thing:
If I don’t ______ (give a bedtime/force to eat/limit computer/put in time out/tap his hand) then my child would always/never_____ (never sleep/eat anything but pizza/never get off the computer/learn that what they do is wrong/understand not to run into the traffic).
The thought, of course, is that people look at all of this as being one or the other. If you don’t punish then you are letting kids do whatever they want. If you don’t force kids to do things, then they will never do it. If you don’t put limits, then no one will.
The defining moment of course is when the controlling parent tries to do the opposite and the child fulfils the prophesy. The theory that “no limits, no punishment” doesn’t work is etched into stone, and those parents that do such a thing are seen as neglectful parents with kids doing whatever they please and running amok.
Of course, for those who do live consensually, don’t put arbitrary limits and don’t punish, their kids are not doing what those people are afraid of, the kids are eating well, getting enough sleep and are happy, well adjusted kids. So why such a gap?
I think it comes down to that definition of ‘discipline’ and what results with the way it is interpreted. Controling is not teaching self-limitation. Punishing doesn’t give them the tools to make the right decisions.
If you punish a child for hitting, they may stop hitting but they don’t learn anything else besides the fact that love is conditional to behaviour and that it is better to not be caught. Not punishing of course doesn’t mean that you let the behaviour continue. In the case of hitting, it is most likely an impulsive symptom of an initial problem. If you want to teach the right behaviour, the focus needs to shift from the actual hitting, to teaching alternative solutions that can replace the hitting. Children know that hitting is wrong, but they might not know what to do instead. That is what discipline is all about.
If you don’t have a bedtime, then you are more likely to follow your own schedule and sleep when you are tired. If you have always had a bed time and then suddenly you don’t, then you might not know your own cues or self-limits because you have never learned how to. Add the lack of self-knowledge to the mystique of staying up late, then you have a child that will seemingly not go to bed if you don’t tell them to.
What we need to be doing as parents is to teach our kids self-limitation and self-discipline and to maintain individuality and have a voice. I don’t believe that this can be done through controlling and punishment but instead through ‘discipline’ in the other sense of the word.
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Posted on Jun 27th, 10 at
9:23 am under Unschooling
27
Jun
We are just about to head out for the first SMUG. (Summer Montreal Unschoolers Gathering)…
There are a few unschooling gatherings that happen in the US and other parts of Canada, but nothing around here. Until now. Idzie is an unschooling teen that loves to spread the word and took the initiative along with her mom to have a gathering of our own. There won’t be any conferences etc but it is just a buch of unschooling families and teens from around here, the US and even China coming together to hang out and camp for a few days in Oka park just outside of Montreal.
I just know that it is going to be a blast. Hanging around with people that live the same lifestyle as we do, people that have the same goals and the same visions surrounding parenting.
Getting ready for this little trip makes me realize just how much is needed for a family of six to camp out for a few days… I have prepared food, made sandwiches, packed the cooler, packed our plates and cutlery, linens and clothes and the piles seem to be growing…
It’s a lot of work but it is going to be very much worth it!!
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On Saturday, Simon, Willa and I went to Montreal for the day. Simon had a concert to go to in the evening and the boys wanted to go to the cabin so the two events coincided perfectly. My mom came and got the boys on Friday and Khéna was so excited that for nearly two hours before she got here, he was dressed and waiting in the stairs, ready to go.
She came and then left right after lunch, the boys faced beamed as they headed out. Though rain was on the forecast, I wasn’t worried at all that they would have a blast.
We had a quiet evening on Friday and then got up on Saturday bright and early.
Two weeks ago I had gotten a message on Facebook asking if I might be interested in giving a babywearing workshop at a great new store/café in Montreal called Melons et Clémentines. I called the owners and we arranged to meet on Saturday morning. What a great space that has been set up and what amazing people doing it! I am so happy to be able to get to know them and now I need to get my butt into action and get ready to give workshops on both EC and babywearing. It is not going to become a big source of income but it might bring in a few dollars and it will be a great opportunity to get to know some more amazing like minded moms.
Simon and I then went for lunch and then headed out to the talk on unschooling given by Sandra and Holly Dodd. I have to admit that I didn’t find it that amazing of a talk, I guess it was a bit basic and was a repeat of a lot of things that I had read in the past, but it was fun to see the usual faces in the crowd and be able meet others. I know that I say it often, but it is so refreshing to get together with like minded people. It not only makes us feel what we are doing is “normal” but it is also great to talk and get feedback from people that are living the same challenges, going through similar experiences, dealing with the same comments and internal struggles. It gives me a boost each time.
After the talk I brought Simon to the Metro so that he could head to his show and I headed out to the West Island to pick up Sushi at my favorite place and then brought it back to my friend Gen’s house to eat and hang out with her for the evening and we talked and shared until Simon called to say he was done and then I went and got him and then we headed home, arriving at about 1am…
We got up on Sunday morning, and headed out in the cold and the rain to go pick up the boys at the cabin…
Though we have to admit that it is a lot quieter in the house without them, I was really happy to see them again. Sometimes even just a day away makes me look at them in a different way and realize just how big they are really getting.
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Posted on Jun 7th, 10 at
10:13 am under Alternative Parenting
7
Jun
Last Sunday I was invited to speak at the Anarchist book fair in Montreal to talk about alternative/unassisted birthing along with my friend Martine who has also had two unassisted births (and who was present at my last birth). We only had a few minutes each to talk but we talked about our experiences, our paths that brought us to our decision, the way we looked into our fears and how we prepared ourselves. Then we took questions and before we knew it, it was over.
The day continued though and right after us was an unschooling presentation and a talk about free-schools etc., and then finishing off the day with a discussion about child protective services, which as I am realizing more in hearing about others’ experiences is a very real problem when you are choosing to live marginally.
The greatest part of the day though was getting together with likeminded people, people that I knew, people that I met, people that came from far away and who I might not meet again. When you are together in a group like that, where your choices and beliefs are the “norm” it makes it easier to not just keep going, but to move forward and want to do more.
All in all it was a great experience and I hope to be able to speak again next year and maybe to have even more of a voice in that community.
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Posted on May 23rd, 10 at
9:47 pm under Family Life, Unschooling
23
May
Last weekend we headed to Quebec city for a family party. It is so rare that extended family gets together is happy time (not a funeral) so I jumped on the chance…
An old friend and his wife invited us to sleep over at their house that night also which was amazingly kind considering that we are six people and they have an apartment. It was one of those weekends that everything just turned out great and we all had fun.
The party was for my mom’s cousin’s 25th anniversary. There were a lot of happy tears and catching up and meeting second cousins and relatives that I had never met before. The boys had fun running around outside and picking at the buffet and hanging out with their grandma and going to the bathroom downstairs all by themselves. All dressed up we were able to get a pic of the family… This is the first time that we are all in a picture as it is usually Simon and I who are behind the camera…
(Khéna was fixated on the fountain that was in front of us)
My grandmother was really happy to spend sometime with the kids also…
After the party we headed back to our friend’s apartment and then in the morning we headed to a flea market and then to the old city. It is amazing how you can go along the street and then meet the walls of the old city and be taken back in time. Buildings, centuries old, line the streets crowed together, and you are taken back in time. We parked the cars in the lower city and looked for a place to eat lunch.
(Chateau Frontenac, the most photographed Hotel in the world)
After lunch we decided to take the Funiculaire up to the upper city and then walk down again so that we could walk around more without us all getting too tired. The Funiculaire first went into operation in 1879 and worked on steam and counterweights. In 1907 it went electric and over the years it has been updated. It is a short ride that costs 2$ but is well worth it, and the boys loved it…
(from the street in the lower city and the view going to the top)
At the top, there are the remains of the fort that stood on that spot nearly 400 years ago. The boys loved going around in the remains and seeing where things used to be.
Of course the view from the top is also spectacular…
(another family pic!! and again, Khéna is not looking… )
After walking a bit in the upper city, we headed back down… It was a beautiful day, it was the weekend and their were tons of people, but it didn’t hinder the experience at all..
We had Gellato, we people watched and looked at murals on the walls of the buildings (click on the pics below to see in big) We saw street performers (Khéna was quite intrigued by the statue lady) and heard music and just enjoyed the history around us…. I look forward to returning in the near future for another adventure…
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Posted on Apr 27th, 10 at
11:11 pm under EC (Elimination communication), Family Life
27
Apr
Wilhelmina is now three months old..
It is hard to believe that she is already three months old, but in another light I have trouble not seeing her in our family. It was just yesterday it seems that she was so tiny, yet it feels like an eternity since the birth.
She is such an amazing little one. She is smiley and happy but don’t let that fool you, when she is not happy she is not happy at all.
The time I was away with her was great, but I have to admit that it was a bit harder than I thought it would be. At home, she cries at times, but not much… but while we were away it seemed bit hard for her. The routine was off, the noises were different, we were out a lot more, and we were in and out of the car a lot more also.
But now that we are back home, car rides are no problem again, she seems happier in the day and naps better also and continues to sleep well at night. She is a lot more smiley and doesn’t mind being in dad’s arms as well as mine and it shows that though mom is important, so is Dad, and though I don’t know how concsious it was, I do believe that she was missing him and her brothers.
EC is also back on track a bit more as things were off a bit also with the travelling. I had actually forgot about using diapers all the time and forgot them a few times when we went out. Even when we were having a quieter day, thing were just a bit more off. Now that we are at home again though, the routine is back and we are having minimal misses… Diapering is so much more work!
Willa has always been a good sleeper in the night and that is one thing that travelling did not change. She kept her routine of sleeping through the night with one or two times of waking up to potty and nurse… usually at around 1-2am and then again at about 5am… but, in the last half of the trip things started changing. When I wold hear her wake a bit at about 1-2 am I would put her on the potty as I usually did, but she would not pee and instead would either cry or just fall asleep right on the potty… and she also wouldn’t nurse. So I had to start keeping myself from reacting to her slight movements as I was doing before and she just continues sleeping until about 5-6am when she wakes up dry, pees quickly and then wants to nurse even more readily. She then goes back to sleep and wakes up a bit more often but will easily and readily stay in bed for as long as we are. Of course, we have other kids to attend to so we did need to get up eventually…
3 months…. it might not seem like a big deal to some, but as a mom that has been through this period 3 times in the past, 3 months is when a lot of things start to happen, and I am looking forward to expeirences all the “firsts” that are soon to come as well as mourning the fact aht I don’t have a ‘newborn’ anymore, I now have a baby….
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