It might not be it…

but something is happening…

this may have TMI for some
Usually my evenings are full of prodromal labour… and then everything disappears in sleep and I wake to no more contractions until the next evening… this morning however, I woke up to the babe back in an LOA position and I am getting contractions every once in a while… not painful and not close together but just the fact that it is morning and they keep on coming is enough for things to seem different…
I decided to check myself again, for the last few weeks my cervix has been pretty closed, posterior and effaced just a bit, I did dilate a bit last week but it then went back to closed…I didn’t think that it could do that… of well… I have also been very dry… so, I decided to check myself again today and though my cervix is still pretty much posterior, it is mushy and it is opening and to my surprise I have quite a bit of mucous…

So something is happening… we’ll see where it goes…

Letting go of some fears…

I’m contracting at the moment.. I don’t know if this is it or not yet and I don’t want to get my hopes up… they are getting painful though and I have dilated a bit… so the contractions are doing something…
However, there are some fears that I need to let go of however before anything does happen..

First, this labour will be different, I feel it, I have felt it for months now. The position is different, the discomforts are different. I have never experienced labour in a normal way… just hours of back labour… back labour that lasted until the last few minutes… Though some say it is worse… I don’t know… that is all I know about labour… It is this fear of the unknown that I need to get rid of…

I am not scared at all about having a UC, I am ready for it, I feel ready, I trust my body and I trust my instincts… I have been wondering though if these other fears that I have been having have been inhibiting my contractions to go anywhere for the last 2-3 weeks… I have had hours of prodromal labour that have fizzled out… and each time i happened when I thought about the actual labour, the unknown of it all… the unknown of a labour that may progress normally…

I am letting go of these fears now…. it may not happen tonight, tomorrow or even this week but it will happen and I know that I can do it…

Here is a list of some positive affirmations that I will be telling myself…

• My mind and body can handle a labour of any kind.
• I will have a strong and healthy baby.
• I trust my body to know how to birth this child.
• I trust my instincts to know what I need in labour.
• I trust my instincts to do what is best for my baby.
• I trust my pain
• I embrace the concept of healthy pain.
• Good strong contractions help my baby come into the world.
• I am now willing to experience all my feelings.
• My body is beautiful, capable and strong.
• My body knows how to have this baby, just as my body knew how to grow this baby.
• I feel confident; I feel safe; I feel secure.

officially tired…

I have to admit that I am officially tired of being pregnant. This pregnancy was pretty easy up to a few weeks ago when my pelvis started to really hurt. I was tired and got tired quickly and I had sciatic nerve problems but the Chiro helped with that…

If it wasn’t for this Pelvis pain I would be OK… still tired maybe but not as much as now… The worst times for me is when I am laying down, so the bed actually looks like my enemy… I can’t sleep because I hurt too much, I can’t twist and turn because the pain is excruciating… So I stay in the same position all night and just doze lightly… when I need to finally move I have to go really slowly onto my back… I can’t roll because my pelvis is locked into place so I have to lift myself up a bit to turn and then once I am on back I have to release all of my muscles and wait until I hear a big pop in my pelvis and then I can finish turning or get up… of course the first minutes up are so hard also…

My mom is going to be giving me her old couch soon and a big arm chair… it was supposed to be here this weekend but it didn’t happen… but if I am still pregnant when we get it I think I will be sleeping in that for the rest of the time…

Also, since Thursday or Friday the baby is in weird positions nd I haven’t had as many contrax… it doesn’t move much but when it does it changes position… sometimes it’s back is on the left, sometimes on the right, sometimes even posterior for a while and often it is oblique and resting its head on either side of my hip… I thought it had started to engage for a while but it doesn’t seem to have happened now and it is just turning and turning and I don’t think that I will go into labour soon, but really… I just don’t know…

Really.. I am just tired of being pregnant, I can’t wait to hold the new babe in my arms… I can’t wait for Simon to be home with us so that we can all take the time to relax and recuperate. I hope so much that this pain will stop after the babe is born… I need to be able to lay down again and relax my body instead of being in pain…

I know perfectly well that the babe will come when the babe is ready and there is no way that I would risk rushing it… but the last weeks are hard…

La Bassine…

I tried out the birth pool last night… the motor was so loud to blow it up but it didn’t wake up the kids at all… Simon’s ears were ringing though!

It took about 25 min to fill up the pool and one hot water tank full (we can’t figure out how to put the temp higher on the tank) anyway… it was pretty much the perfect temp with what we had… I got in and vegged out for a while before I decided that it would be better just a bit warmer… Simon heated up some water on the stove and that made all the difference… I stayed in for about another 30 min after that and the water stayed at the exact same temp so I know that it keep the temp well…

The test run also brought a test run of uncomfortable contrax… I had checked myself a few days ago and was still closed, not really effaced but soft…. My cervix was also still quite posterior… this morning I decided to check again and I was so surprised that after the few hours of contrax last night I am now dialated a bit, mushy and much more effaced and my cervix is much easier to reach…

Though I know that it doesn’t mean anything what it means for me is that things are different this time around…. I never dialated before labour… the boys were posterior and just didn’t put any pressure on my cervix… so what it tells me is that things have a good chance of being different this time… I may have th chance of getting a shorter and better birth experience… not having back labour and labour not stalling at 3-4 cm after spending hours to get there…

We decided that it will be better to keep the pool inflated until the birth… It will be placed in the living room when the time comes so for now it is propped up against the patio door in the kitchen…

I am very happy with my pool choice… is is SO comfy, I love the height, I love how sturdy it is and I love the shape (oval) which makes it so that I can have my legs extended or turn sideways and be able to push against the side… the inside handles make it easy to change position and it just feels like a little cocoon but not suffocating at all…. I feel comfortable and safe in there…

Oh… and while I was in there I decided to make it an ultimate test time and eat the rest of the Haagen Daaz Baileys Ice Cream that I bought a few days ago… yummm……

contrax… contrax…. contrax…. move…. nothing

Since Friday I have been having contrax at regular intervals off and on… nothing to really think it was the start of labour but just enough to annoy me and wonder…

My pelvic pain has been so bad the last few days also… It really looked and felt like things were gearing up….

then last night… I slept… I slept well and I didn’t have as much pain when I turned over… I mean… I could actually turn over without tears…. it still hurts a lot but not nearly as much…

Babe has also changed position… instead of being LOA it has moved to ROA… and I think the reason the pain went down was that the babe was a bit sideways for a while and it’s head was lodged right on top of my left hip and putting a lot of pressure there… now I don’t feel that pressure there anymore… and the pain is a lot less… now to find the head again… though I have a feeling it may be a bit lower because I have not stopped using the bathroom since this morning…
I also haven’t had a contrax really today… so I don’t know what happened but the last few weeks look a bit brighter now… I was really getting to the point that I didn’t want to be pregnant anymore, now I feel that I can stand another week or two without a problem… though of course, I am looking forward to meeting the little one…

We are not ROBOTS!!!!

I am getting so tired of hearing about inductions for no reason other than impatience!!!!

If you look up term pregnancy anywhere you will read that pregnancy comes to term between 38 and 42 weeks… That means that as many babies will come naturally at 38 weeks as they will come at 42 weeks… the medium of course is that “due date”… right in the middle… that date that everyone has their eye on… but just like 38 weeks is not pre-term…. 41 or 42 weeks is not overdue… it is NORMAL and HEALTHY!!! Most 1st time moms will go into labour at around 41.5 weeks as the norm… they are not “overdue” they are not “at risk” they do NOT need to be induced, the babies are not more at risk either… women may be tired and impatient at the end but that’s life… there is NO need for inducing!

Docs however, have also seemed to have forgotten what they learned… they seem to see women and babies as Robots, needing to be all the same size, gain the same amount of weight and the same exact gestational period. The minute that 38 weeks hits they start getting impatient too and for NO good reason…

Most of the women that called me for breastfeeding support all had the same story… their doctor (the same doctor) proposed induction at 38 weeks just because they were “term” at that point and I would have to say that 3/4ths of them ended up to be C/S’s, the others had other complications… not many women that I have talked to have had a complication free delivery and I think I have only talked to 1-2 moms that had a natural birth and went into labour on their own and I have never heard having a pregnancy over 40 weeks at this hospital…

This is really sad and upsetting for me…

Right now I am nearing the end of my pregnancy… actually tomorrow I will be considered to be at officially term as I will be 38 weeks. I am also officially tired of being pregnant, I am sore, I have trouble sleeping, my pelvis feels like it is falling apart and I can’t turn in bed without having tons of pain. If I was a mainstream mom that actually trusted sOB’s and wasn’t informed about the risks (or just blindly thought that doctor wouldn’t do anything that had significant risks for no reason) then I would maybe be wanting to be induced… knowing what I know however, what the risks are and trusting my body and what is normal and natural instead of an impatient “care” provider I would never be induced, especially for non-medical reasons such as impatience…

So what are the Risks?

First, induction will not work if your body is not ready to go into labour yet. That means that more meds need to be used and it can lead to failed inductions and stress on the body and baby…. When the meds do work they often produce unnaturally strong contractions… Pretty much every woman that you will talk to that has been induced has not been able to give birth naturally because the contractions are so strong… These strong contractions can also lower the baby’s Heart rate and cause Fetal distress because of the lack of oxygen that occurs with the strong contractions. It can also lead to uterine rupture which puts both the mom and the baby’s life at risk…

As I mentioned, induction most often leads to epidurals and other drugs to help with the unnaturally strong contractions. When a woman is drugged the meds also go to the baby, which again can lead to fetal distress. Moreover, when the epidural is given it can stall labour so even more meds are needed. Often however, the labour will be labeled as “failure to progress” and a C/S will be made for no good reason…

Inducing also automatically means that women can not walk around in labour, are confined to the bed, given an IV and are not “allowed” to eat or drink… The position that women are forced to take in the hospital is the worst position to give birth in, not allowing for gravity to help and making the pelvis smaller then in other positions. The baby is less able to go into the right position and descend into the birth canal. Women are often made to push before the body is ready and the baby is in the optimal position just because they are at 10cm and can spend hours pushing the baby out because of this. This can also lead to fetal distress, can lead to fatigue (especially if the woman has been starved for hours), it often leads to more interventions such as the use of the vacuum or Forcepts and may also lead to a C/S… There will be many reasons given for these interventions (pelvis too small, baby too big etc… ) mostly it is just the simple result of being in an unnatural birthing position just because it gives the best view to the doctor… because of course the doctors view and comfort is more important than the health and wellbeing of the woman giving birth and the baby coming out…

Another risk to induction (breaking the waters or giving meds) is cord prolapse… is if the baby is not in the optimal position and labour is induced or the waters are broken even in a natural birth just to make things “go faster”, or really for no reason other then the doctor or medwife wanting to intervene, the cord may come out before the babies head (since the mom is most likely laying down with gravity working against her) Cord prolapse is dangerous and makes for an automatic C/S and is often directly caused by the procedure…

It is unlikely to happen naturally… when the waters break before labour starts it is often due from pressure that that head puts on the membranes and the head with gravity works as a plug not letting the cord go by… most often however, the membrane will rupture near the end of labour when the head is engaged and the mom is in active labour making cord prolapse virtually impossible…

Induction, especially artificially breaking the water also rises the risk of infection which can lead to problems with mom and baby later on also…

Induction… not just inducing labour, but other interventions that often go hand in hand with inducing labour put so many lives at risk and too often lead to C-Sections and other problems… (of course C/S also makes the breastfeeding rate decline which puts children and their moms at even higher risk for other medical problems later on in life)

There are so many other things that can go wrong because of the interventions that have taken the place of natural childbirth… many women really don’t know or understand the risks of all of the interventions and instead just put all of their trust in others instead of themselves (something I mentioned in another post)… and if something goes wrong then it is others that are to blame or it isn’t even know that it is a risk and then the doc is the Hero at the end of it without realizing that the doc was also the cause…

Inductions are rising, C/S are rising and labour and birth are just becoming riskier and riskier because of it… moreover the fear of childbirth is rising and the lack of trust in the body and in what is natural is being replaced by it…. that is one of the saddest parts of birth today…

Ouch…. I just fell….

It is really yucky today… but we had a few things to do outside before it gets too cold and especially since we had our first frost and though it is drizzling, wet and windy it is not raining as much as it was yesterday so Simon decided to go do it today…

So, Simon has been outside all morning (since about 8am) putting things from the yard away and I dressed up the kids all warm and headed out with them too… I started draining the pool and went to put something in the shed and I slipped on the ramp infront of the door.. i banged both my knees pretty bad and scraped one of my palms a bit but I am OK… one of my knees took the fall more then the other and it is a knee that I already have problems with and it is already swelling… I really didn’t need this… This is the first time I have fallen while pregnant… it isn’t something that I like…

I also have a feeling that babe may have engaged a bit more during the fall… since it happened I have a bit more pressure on my cervix… just hoping that it won’t jumpstart labour before babe is ready to come out on its own…

Got my birth pool today!!

The delivery guy arrived at the door this morning with a big box with my birthing pool….

It jut makes things seem so much more real…. I mean… this thing sitting in the hall way is what I will be hopefully giving birth in a few short weeks…. I can’t wait to do a test run and sit in it for a little while and try it out…

There are only a few things that I need to get for the birth and then I am all set to have this new babe….

Hmmm…. why don’t I just list the things that I need to do here…. it will probably get me to do it more quickly…

• get the baby clothes out of the shed, separate just what we need and wash it.
• get the newborn diapers out and place them somewhere handy
• make a basket/box with everything that I need for the birth so that it is all on hand and in one spot
• write a “birth plan”… not a conventional birth plan of course… just something to have quick reminders on for both Simon an I….
• Buy some embroidery floss and braid it
• buy or find a new pump for my birthing ball (mine broke when it fell) and the ball needs a bit of air…
• Make a few more meals if I can…

There might be more of course….
OH… and about two weeks ago I decided that we needed a new fridge…. (after having to re-duct tape the shelves in our current fridge that we got free 6 years ago) it was supposed to arrive in a few weeks but I got a call saying that they will be able to deliver it on Thursday!! Don’t ask me why but I am really excited about it… weird huh!?

36+ weeks…

I can’t believe that I am already in my 37th week!

Colin was born at 38 weeks and if this babe decided to do the same that would mean that I would meet the little one in 2 weeks… Though I would like that for reasons of being uncomfortable and in pain… I would actually prefer to have this babe a bit closer to mid-november…

I have been having tons of BH lately.. some that are downright painful… With the boys I had a few painless BH and never really experienced labour in front… this time, I feel all of the BH in the front and I can really guess what labour will probably feel like… I am a bit excited to think that I will probably get to experience real labour instead of back labour..

I have decided again that I really want a waterbirth… I had thought that I didn’t for a while and that I would try to use my bathtub if I needed water but it really wouldn’t work at all… the bathtub is WAY too small and the water doesn’t cover my belly at all.. also, we have one of those rectangular shaped bathtubs with a steep back so you can’t really lay back and relax… anyways… I ordered “La Bassine” last week and should be getting it this week and I went and picked this up from an aquarium supply store so that I can fill and empty the tub easily….(I won’t be using the gravel cleaner ;))

I have a few supplies ready but just need to get them together so that they are all at the same place and ready to go if we need them… and I still have a few things that I want to pick up…

It is so hard to imagine that very soon I will be holding a new babe… a new little life…. this little person that has been moving around inside me for months… nursing and cuddling… and breathing in that newborn baby smell again…

Here is a pic from today…

Brave?

Some people I have encountered are truly scared of birth. In their eyes, birth is dangerous. For mother and child and needs not only to be attended but managed.

Though I am not shy about my decisions, I have not talked to many people openly about my plans. However, I do not lie either. If someone asks me where I am going to give birth I will say at home, if they go further and ask if/how I got a midwife I will tell them that we don’t… The same questions always come up after that… who is going to check you? Who is going to cut the cord? and then the what if’s come out… Then I get the comment “you are so brave” or something simular… I respond to the questions simply… no one will check me and I would let a doctor of midwife do it either… The cord will be cut after birth by either Simon or I after a the placenta comes out or longer… the What if’s I don’t go into details and just say that I am ready for many situations and will deal with them at home.

The brave comment is what makes me go crazy….

I am not brave to birth at home. What is brave in my opinion is to entrust my body to someone else. I was willing to do that with my last two pregnancies and births and I am not happy with the way that they turned out. Of course I have two gorgeous and healthy boys but the births were long and I felt rushed and threatened. I cried many tears because I felt that I had no control, not control over my body because I knew that I had to let it do its work, but control over my treatment. I wish that I wouldn’t have had so much courage those times to trust these strangers, I wish I would have had the courage to take charge of my own health completely and would have known more when I was pregnant with the boys. Of course, I was raised in a society of fear and was taught that doctors and midwifes were the experts of birth and a woman’s body in pregnancy and that you must surrender your body over to them and trust them. I am glas however, that though I was taught that, I never could believe it… I once went into a small surgery on my toe and was terrified of the needle to freeze my toe… the doctor tried to calm me down by asking me if I trusted him… I said no… he was so struck back at that and asked why I was there… I told him that I couldn’t do it by myself…

Looking back it is not that I am just afraid of needles… I have always been fearful to put my trust in doctors. I feel sick to my stomach at times when my mom speaks about doctors… she seeks them for pills and treatments. She wants blood tests, and scans and every intervention imaginable. She loves being medicated and whenever her body does something different, even though there is a good and clear explanation for it, she seeks a doctor… and when that doctor doesn’t want to give her enough pills or tests she finds another… now she is on hormones, antidepressants, blood thinners, muscle relaxers and an array of other meds…. and of course she self medicates with drugs, alchool and whatever other pills or homeopathic meds that she can get a hold on… she has always put all of her trust in doctors and medication. She doesn’t trust her body at all.

The day that I found out that I was pregnant and called the birthing center and was told that I couldn’t have a midwife I actually felt relieved. I was quite hesitant to call the other birthing center and when I finally did I wanted to hang up… I told the head midwife that if I didn’t get a midwife I would do things alone and though she may or amy nto have though that it was a “threat” it was just the truth and it was actually wishful thinking on my part. I never did call them when the time came that I may have had a place at the birthing Center, but when they called me a little rush of fear came over me…
I feel the need to be informed about birth and the more that I am informed the scarier the idea of having interventions and someone managing the birth becomes frightening. I do believe that there are women that are lucky enough to find a lay midwife that will not do any interventions at all but becomes a friend and a support person during the birth and is able to let the woman have complete control. However, I do not think that there are many midwifes out there that are able to so such a thing. I do think that I have found one however, a midwife that I have not met, that will not be here at all, that I probably will never meet, but has invited us to contact her if we have questions during the birth and for legal stuff after the birth to ease the process to get the birth registered.

The other day I called my grandmother just to say hi and we ended up talking about my plans a bit, my grandmother who had 5 twightlight births (drugged into unconciousness and awoke to a brand new baby that she was not allowed to hold too much) was actually mouch more supportive then I though she would be and started talking to me about the births of her siblings. My great grandmother was an amazing woman and I was very close to her. I knew she breastfed, I knew she birthed at home in her little country farm house. But it was amazing to hear a few details… my grandmother was surprised by the fact that the boys may see the birth and then remembered that she herself had witnessed the births of her siblings. She was surprised that I will be alone at home, but then remembered and shared that in birth a neighbor woman would often only show up near the end or even after the actual birth. I think that she understood a bit more where I am coming from.

Thinking about it all… maybe I am brave. Brave to go against the norm and trust my body and trust nature instead of trusting someone else. Brave to follow in my greatgrandmothers footsteps instead of following in my grandmothers or my mothers. Brave enough to believe that new doesn’t always mean improved.

Many times I have inspiration in unassisted birth stories…

Here are just two of the many that I have read…

Babs & Xan

Amber & Mycelia Violet