Looking back on Freebirth…

I can’t believe that it has already been a year already.

A year has passed from the day that my baby was born, into our hands, in a pool in the living room of our house. A birth attended only by his father and his brothers.

An experience that was not only exhilarating, empowering but also healing for myself.

My choice to have an unassisted pregnancy and an unassisted birth was first due to the lack of midwifery access. There are no birthing centres in my region and midwifes are not allowed to practise out side of them. The birthing centres that are out of region do not take women out of region because they are too much in demand. It was a decision that was first made for me since there was no way that I would ever go see a doctor for a pregnancy or a birth. The decision did not scare me…. instead I felt relief.

I knew that having a UP/UC was the best choice.

Now… I look back at the pregnancy. There was so much less stress being unassisted. No appointments, no refusing tests and being made to feel guilty when I knew that the tests are not necessary. I was able to experience pregnancy for what it is. I was able to listen to my body and find the answers to my questions. I was able to gain control, something that I lost when I relied on a midwife for advice or answers.

I look back at the birth and realize that it was exactly what I would have hoped that birth could be.
With my other two, I had to deal with posterior babies, with long labours, with back labour, with “failure to progress” beyond 3cm. I truly believe that most of the problems were due to the presense of a midwife, to the presense of other people. The stress of deadlines, of numbers, of the rules that the midwifes have to follow all hindered in birthing process. However, It was a midwife in my second birth that gave me the confidence I needed to give birth.

After she spoke to me I was able to lose myself in my “la-la land”, She gave my the confidence to ignore everyone, to ignore their advice, to ignore their presence, to listen to my body. She gave me the confidence to know that I could birth my baby, that I as a woman I was made to give birth. I was able to do that all well enough that I was able to relax enough to sleep between contractions and essentially sleep through transition and soon after I gave birth to my second son.

I was unimpressed however with the way that the third stage was over managed and mismanaged in my opinion.

This midwife gave me confidence in myself. The others took my confidence away. I knew in my heart that I needed solitude to birth after that. It was that reason that I felt a sense of relief when I choose to go unassisted.

I find it ironic that my confidence to birth alone stemmed from a pep talk from a midwife, but I thank her for that.

So, when I read Khéna’s birth story, when I look back at my freebirth, I feel peace with the way things happened. It is something that I don’t feel reading my other births. I am proud with the way that my children were able to experience birth as being normal. I am proud that they will remember birth as being positive and natural. I feel proud that they were able to see the birth and that their new brother fit into the family so seamlessly in many ways because of the way he made his entrance into the family.

I am proud that I was able to take control of my body and do what I needed to do to have the easiest and healthiest birth that I could have had.

If I have another child there is no hesitation in what choices that I will make.

A year ago…

now…

I wonder…

2 Midwives in Montreal are having to defend themselves after a coroners report came out yesterday after a baby was born still last November. The coroner said that the death could have been preventable and that the midwives were to blame. The details are not clear but there was meconium, aspiration and a loss of heartbeat before birth.

Sad, scary for me to think about but was it really because of the midwives?

If the same would have happened at the hospital (and it does) are the doctors to blame? No, of course not… Doctors make mistakes, they are humans or just don’t have any idea of the real, natural side of birth.

It is really tiring to hear peoples comments about this. If something happens out of the hospital than right away it could have been “preventable” and people should be held accountable. Why not the same for doctors? They do things to women everyday that risk the lives of both the women and the babies, yet they are never held accountable… Why? They risk women’s and babied lives by inducing labour when women are not ready (if you “have” to induce then your body is NOT READY), by managing the third stage, by just intervening whenever the can because of their cookie cut views and protocols instead of letting birth occur naturally. (I have a better post on this)

I wonder if the coroner would have said that the doctor should be held accountable, or is he just like most of the other doctors out there… scared of midwives taking over their jobs and women having control over their own health and well being…

I wonder what this will do to Quebec Midwives…

So… the Ecofest was today…

Besides it being miserably hot and humid in Montreal today the ECO fest was pretty cool and our presentation went really well… there were not too many people there but it was a lot of fun anyways and the reaction was great also…

We (Geana and I) talked about UP/UC defining it and explaining how we got to that point…

How for both of us, our negative experiences with past interventions as minimal as they may have been (from even just the presence of a mw being too much greater interventions) brought us onto the path of birthing unassisted… (well, she hasn’t birthed yet, but is getting close)

We talked about it being empowering as women an act of feminism even. Taking back the role of a woman, getting away from the medical establishment that seems to want to control a woman in pregnancy and in birth.

How for us, pregnancy and birth are just part of our ordinary life and how much less stress it brought to us and how natural pregnancy and birth can be.

It felt great to stand up in front of an audience and talk about going unassisted… I really enjoy talking about it and sharing it.

I can’t believe that it has already been nearly 9 months since I lived that amazing experience and held my sweet Khéna for the very first time…

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“I am Selfish”

Rixa wrote a Great response to a comment about her being “Selfish” by choosing UC.

I am Selfish

Another response to an anonymous comment that “in my opinion unassisted birth is not only dangerous but selfish.”

I am selfish. I admit it.

I am selfish because I want a birth experience that leaves me feeling fulfilled as a mother, that gives me confidence and joy.

I am selfish for giving birth at home, because I want to minimize the chances that my newborn will acquire an infection. Infection rates of newborns are many times higher in hospitals than at home. (1)

I am selfish because I want to avoid an unnecessary cesarean section; healthy women birthing at home have average cesarean rates of 1 to 4%, compared to around 20% in healthy women birthing in hospitals.

I am selfish because I do not want my vagina cut open by scissors (the nationwide episiotomy rate is STILL around 30%) or my belly cut open by knives. I have a 60% chance of acquiring a surgical wound if I give birth in a hospital.

I am selfish because I would prefer not to have to go into labor, pack my bags, get in the car, drive to the hospital, check in, sign consent forms, refuse the standard hospital procedures, and fight for what I want—all while giving birth to a baby.

I am selfish because I do not want to be separated from my baby. I want to hold my baby as soon as she is born. I do not want her to be taken from my arms to be weighed and measured, injected and bathed. I am selfish because I want to nurse her freely, without interruption.

I am selfish because I want to be washed in a “cocktail of love hormones,” to borrow a phrase from the French obstetrician Michel Odent. These hormones—endorphins, oxytocin, and prolactin—are released in full force only to women birthing without medications, in safe and private environments. Narcotics, anesthesia, surgery, and even high levels of stress and adrenaline inhibit the release of these hormones.

I am selfish because I want my baby to be born into her parents’ hands and to know only the safety and warmth of our arms. I want her be born in an atmosphere of love and ecstasy.

I am selfish because I want to avoid postpartum depression. Women who birth at home have much lower rates of postpartum depression. (2, 3)

Sometimes we need to be selfish.

(1) Mehl, L., Peterson, G., Shaw, N.S., Creavy, D. (1978) “Outcomes of 1146 elective home births: a series of 1146 cases.” J Repro Med. 19:281-90
(2) Jones, Carl. Alternative Birth. Los Angeles: Jeremy P. Tarcher, 1990 p. 24.
(3) Kitzinger, Sheila. Home Birth. London: Dorling Kindersley, 1991 p. 193.

Rixa took the words right out of my mouth…. those reasons were just some of the reasons that I choose UC.

This reminds me of a post I made during my pregnancy about another comment about UC that I often about being “brave”…

Brave?

Grumble…

The civil Status Office called me this morning. They got the forms to register Khéna’s birth but she said that she would be sending us another form that needed o be signed by a doctor. I told her that that was the reason that I had included the letter from the midwife. But guess what… they seemed to have misplaced the letter from the midwife. The lady had no clue that the letter was in the envelope. I told her that I made sure that it was in there because I knew that they needed it and I asked her to look in the envelope again… she said that she is not the one that opens the mail….

Khéna started to cry, probably feeling my stress rising and she said that she would see what she could do and call me back… about an hour later she did and said that she talked to her superior and asked if she could have the name and phone number of the midwife. So I handed that over to her. Hopefully that will be enough. They will call me back with news.
Another phone call today was from a Nurse at the CLSC… she will be coming by tomorrow to see us… It is a nurse that I know and that I talked about UC while I was pregnant so it will be fun to see her and to share how things went…she was a bit surprised when she had found out what I was planning, and was bit surprised that it had worked out so maybe it will give her a good view that birth can actually be natural.

Ha!!!

So I just called the CLSC in my area to just mention the birth so that they have it in their files… So the secretary asks me a few questions…

Her: was the baby born in the region?

Me: yes at home

Her:Did you have a midwife?

Me: No I was alone…

Her: (talking to herself) No discharge date from hospital… (back talking to me) Was it a vaginal birth?

me: umm…lol… yeah…. (DUH!!!!!!)

The birth of Khéna

My “due date” was officially November 19th but Khéna knew when he would be ready. My pregnancy was completely unassisted but I was charting so I knew my dates. I had of course false labour for weeks, and with the SPD and not being able to sleep I was very tired of being pregnant. The week before he was born was full of these false starts. He twisted and turned inside of me but wasn’t engaged at all… during the day, evening and night of the 27th of November, the contractions were different though. They woke me up but they were far apart or came in spurts. I thought that it was the start… I also had a bit of mucous and I was a bit more dilated and during the night he had made his way back into the optimal LOA position and I was feeling a lot more pressure on my cervix.

So when Simon offered to stay home from work I was completely open to it. However, soon after I got up the contractions subsided again.

I felt discouraged, I felt bad that I had made Simon stay home again. I was tired of the false starts.

There was a strange atmosphere around the day however. At 7:40 am the phone rang, a good friend of ours wanting to know how we were. My mom then called. At about 2pm we all were in the living room and I decided to try to nurse Colin down for his nap and watch a bit of TV. Nursing Colin brought on a contraction and I had to go pee and Colin was squirmy and not sleepy so I sent him off to play and ran to the bathroom. While in the bathroom there was a knock at the door. Simon’s dad and grandmother stopped by on the way back from the local hospital to see Simon’s great aunt. It was a big surprise since they do not come out here often.

We all sat down and talked and the contractions kept coming at about 6-7 min intervals. Simon’s grandmother looked at me each time as she knew that something was happening, the wisdom of age and of being there herself many times, many years before. With the contractions came pressure. They were not painful per say but were uncomfortable. I could talk through them but I had to lift myself a bit off the chair with each one because of the pressure on my cervix and pelvic floor. She asked if they should leave but I didn’t want to be impolite and besides, it was probably just another false start. About 3-4 contractions later she turned to her son, Simon’s father, and said that they should better leave so that I felt free to walk around. It was just about 3:30 when they left and I walked around, sat down, went on the computer and wondered if it was the real thing and wondered if I should fill up the pool.

I decided that it would be a good idea and if ever it was just another false alarm then I would at least be comfortable in the warm water. Simon cleaned up the living room, and changed some things around and by about 5pm the water started to enter the pool. I changed position often, the pressure that came with each contraction was starting to become hard to deal with. In my head however, I was not yet sure it was it but I couldn’t wait to hop into the pool. By the time that there was enough water in the pool the hot water had run out but though it was not warm enough yet I couldn’t wait and hopped in while Simon started to boil water to heat the pool up more.
Simon gave the boys their desert, put on a movie that we had bought for the occasion, took a picture and then sat down at the computer to write this.

“The contractions have been getting stronger and stronger ever since the middle of the afternoon. I recognize the expression on Melissa’s face when she gets them; she looks far away, deep down in the far away depths of her own body & psyche. Right here and now; carpe diem; no way around it. It’s the look that means she’s really in labour now; it surely isn’t a false alarm.

She’s in the pool now, in the middle of the living room, and I closed the blinds and turned off the phones. Shut off against the world. I’m boiling pot after pot of water to make the water just right”

I was expecting the contractions to stop at that point but instead, they kept on coming. I took them on one at a time and tried to distract myself with the new movie that the boys were watching. Soon though, I couldn’t handle the noise of the movie anymore. It was distracting but I didn’t need to be distracted anymore. I needed to go inside myself at that point and I asked Simon to set the movie up downstairs. He did so and then came back with an offer to put music on and I decided that Nick Cave’s Album “Boatman’s Call” was the exact environment that I needed at the time. He also brought me a bit of skullcap which I took eagerly.

It was about 6:40 pm by then, the contractions were taking up all of my attention and I needed to change position often in the pool. Breathing though them was no longer enough and now I needed to moan and growl. I found positions that worked for a few contractions and eagerly awaited each pot of hot water that Simon brought. The water temperature was good and the water was keeping warm in the birthing pool but the extra hot water each time just felt great for the next contraction. I floated in the water, kneeled, laid on my side and just let the contractions come.

By about 7:00pm the contractions were one on top of the other. I felt like jumping out of my skin. My brain was separated into two voices: One that that was in the moment and was panicking and wanted to jump out the window and the other that knew that everything was normal and never let the other lose control. I reached inside to see how things were and if I could feel the head and was discouraged for a second when I couldn’t feel it. Then I felt something in a place that I didn’t expect and then realized that the head was right there but just not where I thought it would be, he was closer than I thought. I felt the edge of the cervix and knew that it wouldn’t be too long.

With the next contraction I tried to push a bit and it felt so good. At that moment I got a break. I was able to talk and regroup a bit. I told Simon to give Colin his bath. I let the contractions keep on coming and asked Simon to get the bed ready in case I wanted to try braving the contractions on dry land and then told Simon that I had felt the head when he passed by.

The contractions kept on coming and my moans and growls were no longer good enough and now a louder voice escaped my body at the peak of each contraction.

At 7:35 I felt the need to push a bit and when I did my water broke… I felt relief again and for a minute or two and again I was given a break. I asked Simon to pour hot water on my back. When my body went back into action it was the end, I felt out of control, a massive cramp struck the muscles in my side, my mind shifted from the contraction to the cramp. The contraction went away and I was able to change position to get rid of the cramp and then the next contraction hit. I was in control again and I felt that unmistakable need to push, waves came over my body, I knew that it was the end, I called out to Simon, each wave brought the head closer and closer, my body pushed and I helped it but it knew exactly what to do without my help. I said to tell Xavier as the head emerged. The contraction then stopped and I waited for the next while I stroked his head, the next contraction came and he stayed put while I pushed. Simon suggested to kneel but my body decided to go on all fours and he came out. As I turned back around Simon was pulling him out of the water and announced that he was a boy, we got the cord unwrapped from around his neck and waited for him to breathe. He was quiet, his body was a beautiful pink but his head was still purple. I patted his back and tried a few different positions and then a sense of calm came over me. I knew he was OK. He opened one eye a bit, looked at me, whimpered, and then closed it again. He was sleeping. I asked Simon to bring me another towel since the first towel that I had had made its way to the bottom of the pool. While he was getting the towel I felt the placenta pool up around my cervix, I gave one slight push and it just flowed out into the pool water. It was 7:45 and I was holding my third son. He was nameless but I was in love.

Simon took a few pictures while the boys met their new brother. The first words to come out of Colin’s mouth were “Baby! He’s so cute”. I asked Simon to bring me a bit of Shepherd’s Purse tincture as I couldn’t see how much blood was in the pool and then asked him to bring me the bowl for the placenta.

We wrapped our beautiful new baby up in a warm towel in his father’s arms and juggled both the baby and the bowl with the Placenta. I got out of the pool and we all went to the bedroom to welcome the new baby more comfortably. The boys welcomed him and kissed him, and then Simon went off with Xavier to give him his bath while I made a call to my mom.

We then took pictures, he nursed for his first time and we all breathed him in a little. Simon then brought the boys to the living room where Colin fell asleep within minutes. Xavier stayed up a bit longer and asked questions about the placenta and umbilical cord that was still attached, he then followed Simon into the living room and he to fell asleep.

Simon and I then spent a few minutes recapping the events of the evening and admired our third son and finally gave him his name. Khéna was not a name that we had really contemplated but it was on one of the lists that Simon had made. While looking at each name on the lists it stood out in a way that it had not before. It fit. It is a South-American name that means “little flute of the Indes” and it is pronounced “Kay-na”.

About 4 hours after he was born, we cut his cord. It was thin, though the placenta was healthy and big. We put him in a shirt and a dry warm blanket and he slept.

Khéna was born at about 7:45 pm November 28th 2006. Two days later, he was weighed in at 9lbs 8 oz, 20 ½ inches long with a 37 cm head circumference.

a few more pics…

Well… we just weighed him and though I am not sure how accurate the scale is we do know that he is over 10 pounds!!!!

ETA the day after: He is a bit less than we thought, not over ten pounds but was born just a bit below. 2 days after his birth he is 9 lbs 8 oz.
Here are a few pics I just took in better light….

He’s here!!

After less than 6 hours of labour we have a new little boy!! Born Unassisted in the water!
No stats yet… details to come…

He was born at about 7:45pm though and labour started at about 2pm

ETA: his name is Khéna

It might not be it…

but something is happening…

this may have TMI for some
Usually my evenings are full of prodromal labour… and then everything disappears in sleep and I wake to no more contractions until the next evening… this morning however, I woke up to the babe back in an LOA position and I am getting contractions every once in a while… not painful and not close together but just the fact that it is morning and they keep on coming is enough for things to seem different…
I decided to check myself again, for the last few weeks my cervix has been pretty closed, posterior and effaced just a bit, I did dilate a bit last week but it then went back to closed…I didn’t think that it could do that… of well… I have also been very dry… so, I decided to check myself again today and though my cervix is still pretty much posterior, it is mushy and it is opening and to my surprise I have quite a bit of mucous…

So something is happening… we’ll see where it goes…