I looked back on my old pregnancy blog with Khéna written at about the same time that I am now in my pregnancy and it reads exactly like the way I feel now…

I have to admit that I am officially tired of being pregnant. This pregnancy was pretty easy up to a few weeks ago when my pelvis started to really hurt.

If it wasn’t for this Pelvis pain I would be OK… still tired maybe but not as much as now… The worst times for me is when I am laying down, so the bed actually looks like my enemy… I can’t sleep because I hurt too much, I can’t twist and turn because the pain is excruciating… So I stay in the same position all night and just doze lightly… when I need to finally move I have to go really slowly onto my back… I can’t roll because my pelvis is locked into place so I have to lift myself up a bit to turn and then once I am on back I have to release all of my muscles and wait until I hear a big pop in my pelvis and then I can finish turning or get up… of course the first minutes up are so hard also…

Now to add to it, walking hurts and doing things out of the house is a pain…

Shopping for groceries is something that I need to gear up for because walking while pushing the cart is getting to be imposible, but with a family to feed and to shop for I just get it done and then come home, sit down and recuperate.

Besides that the pregnancy is going well… I can’t believe that I am full term now and that I could have a baby at any time… though I fully expect to go to 42 weeks again as I have done in the past, I still hope that this baby will make an earlier appearance like Colin did at 38 weeks..

But then again, my friend Gen will be hosting a Blessingway for me next Sunday, so I would like to still be pregnant at that time…

The calls are also starting to come… since I said the month of Jan for the edd, the first of Jan seemed to be a sort of deadline for some. The questions of when I will be giving birth  have started and the frustrations of some not knowing when because I won’t give a date have also started… I just answer now within the next 5 weeks and they will know after the baby is there…

I am also feeling more ready to have a new baby in the house, there are still things on my to-do list like get the car seat out and get it installed, find the baby blankets and baby socks but if a baby were to arrive before those things were done, it wouldn’t be that much of a big deal since those things are just in the cedar closet of the shed…

As long as we have the things that I want  for the birth (I bought the sink adaptor for the pool hose yesterday) and we have towels and embroidery floss etc is what is the most important for me…

Ah… the last weeks of pregnancy..

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I have written this post before… and though some things are still relevant, others are not as much. I have now had the experience of birthing unassisted since then and have grown in the last 3 years.

Some people I have encountered are truly scared of birth. In their eyes, birth is dangerous. For mother and child and needs not only to be attended but managed.

Though I am not shy about my decisions, I have not talked to many people openly about my plans. However, I do not lie either. If someone asks me where I am going to give birth I will say at home, if they go further and ask if/how I got a midwife I will tell them that we don’t… The same questions always come up after that… who is going to check you? Who is going to cut the cord? and then the what if’s come out… Then I get the comment “you are so brave” or something similar… I respond to the questions simply… no one will check me and I would let a doctor of midwife do it either… The cord will be cut after birth by either Simon or I after a the placenta comes out or longer… the What if’s I don’t go into details and just say that I am ready for many situations and will deal with them at home.

The brave comment is what makes me go crazy….

I am not brave to birth at home. What is brave in my opinion is to entrust my body to someone else. I was willing to do that with my (first) two pregnancies and births and I am not happy with the way that they turned out. Of course I have two gorgeous and healthy boys but the births were long and I felt rushed and threatened. I cried many tears because I felt that I had no control, not control over my body because I knew that I had to let it do its work, but control over my treatment. I wish that I wouldn’t have had so much courage those times to trust these strangers, I wish I would have had the courage to take charge of my own health completely and would have known more when I was pregnant with the boys. Of course, I was raised in a society of fear and was taught that doctors and midwifes were the experts of birth and a woman’s body in pregnancy and that you must surrender your body over to them and trust them. I am glad however, that though I was taught that, I never could believe it…

Now, at about 36 weeks pregnant, the questions of course come in full force when I am out… People that know me a bit more and know of my last birth just ask if I will be doing the same… others that find out have the usual questions but both nearly always say the brave comment.

But what I have realized is that the brave comment often has nothing to do with being “brave” but is often just another way to say “I think you are crazy”. Whereas before I would answer with a confused face, now, I answer directly to that comment by saying that I think the brave people are those that go the hospital. It turns the table and brings up more questions about the things that I want to avoid. The power struggles, the hospital policies that have no basis in health reasons but simple bureaucracy, interventions that are still practices without any scientific backup and all the rest of the negatives of going to the hospital when trying to have a normal and natural birth.

When most people talk about the things that can go wrong they are often talking abut things that are of direct consequence of standard interventions that are often not questioned, so bringing up those risks as a reason that I want to avoid the hospital setting often brings more insight than just saying that I want to avoid the interventions. Of course I know that things can go wrong, but that is why I would rather stay away from the place that holds the most risks and knowing what I know, that is in a hospital setting.

Of course the ‘brave’ comment also seems to point towards just being out of the person’s comfort zone.

I understand that most are just more comfortable in a hospital setting or in the presence of a midwife…  I just wish that some people could understand that for many being home alone to give birth is where their comfort is at the highest. For some that is at home, for others that is in a hospital setting. Having people observe and having people around makes my labour stall, makes me go into the ‘fight or flight’ response. The more stressful the situation, the more my body shuts down and labour is hindered and being with the exact people that are hindering the birth by their presence alone, then they decide to start intervening and the cycle starts to spiral.It as already happened twice to me. The second time, my power was given back to me by the words and encouragement of a visiting midwife and I was able to get my power back, tell everyone to leave me alone and soon after I was giving birth to me second son. That experience showed me that being alone is what I need.

Whatever the reason it is being said, the brave comment often just gets to me.

It has nothing to do with being brave but with making an informed decision that I believe is best. It is about staying within my comfort zone and choosing what I believe is the safest place to give birth.

I would be brave if I did the opposite of what I am comfortable doing.

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My photos from Khéna’s birthday today are uploading and I am heading to bed, so to get my post in for today (only 2 days lefts after this for NaBloPoMo) I will share some pics that Simon took of me today…

It is rare that he picks up the camera without me asking so I was happy to oblige…

simple pic of me…

this is a shot that I have wanted for while…

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For too long, the drama, and pain and horrifyingly out-of -control helplessness, has been the predominant tale of childbirth.

It’s time for that story to go the way of dinosaurs.

There’s a new way to tell our birth stories, a simple way, with humor and spirit and matter-of-fact exuberance.

Simply Give Birth is a collection of 30 such stories that will have you laugh and cry and just might inspire you!

This is the summary of Heather Cushman-Dowdee’s (otherwise known as Hathor the Cowgoddess) newest book…

I finally received my copy yesterday and I have to say that it is pretty exciting… Not only is this book an amazing collection of birth stories, many of which are UC’s, but the story of Khéna’s birth was included in it also…

I haven’t read all the stories yet, but I am making my way through it and they are all amazing, and as the title says, they are all simple birth stories in their purest form, births that are just part of everyday life, stories with little intervention and with the women themselves in charge, which is so refreshing and inspirational.

If you want your very own copy, get it here! You won’t be disappointed!

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I find this pregnancy is going by so fast, 31 weeks already but I honestly don’t feel it in the same ways as I did the last times…

As I have mentioned before, I am carrying differently this time. The baby is high and not as outwards as the first three were, I can still button up a few pairs of pants, granted, they are the ones that were loose on me already… but it is a good thing since I don’t have any other maternity pants that fit me besides a pair of stretchy black pants…

I measured myself a few days ago and was surprised to see that I was measuring 38cm… but my uterus has been high since the beginning so though I was surprised, it doesn’t phase me… but if I am measuring  that I do think that I should look it more.. my belly is definitely hard though and I can feel the parts of the baby quite well… the baby is also moving like crazy and flipping over all the time… kicks are never in the same place..

Here are a few pics I took 2 days ago…(never mind the pants marks on my tummy, I pushed my pants down to take a pic… and yes, I have a cavernous belly button)

Besides that, I have been keeping up with appointments at the Chiro and for massage and with both of those my back feels great. I still have a lot of symphysis pain in the front but without the back pain, or the back pain being more dull when it does bother me, it is a lot easier to manage. Nights are still hard though, so is walking for a bit and I am definitely waddling  but once I have turned over in bed, and when I am sitting in my favourite chair, I don’t feel it that much.

Because the baby is high I have been feeling out of breathe more and more… a feeling I hate. Also, the heartburn is not letting me go and everyday it gets me hard enough that it can almost bring tears to my eyes, especially when I lay down at night…

As for the stuff that needs to be done… well it all still needs to be done…

I have no energy though and the energy that I work up, I use to do something with the kids, or use to do the normal housework stuff that is falling behind completely…

In just over a week it will be Khéna’s birthday, then, after that just a few weeks until Xmas, and then a few weeks until I will be a mom for the fourth time… I am starting to look forward to meeting this new little one (and finding out if I will have a fourth boy, or a first girl)…

I need to start thinking about names!

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The last few days have been gorgeous but I haven’t been outside like I would like to. I did go to a friends house yesterday and did get out of the house, but we stayed in her house while the kids played outside.

I just don’t feel like I have any energy. I feel out of breath and if I stand or walk for a certain amount of time, it takes days for the pain to go away. My SPD is taking over my life in many ways and it annoys the heck out of me.

Today is just one of those days that I am looking around and feeling like I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep though it. Though I have been living in this house for more than 5 years now, it still doesn’t feel like home. I hate the Decor, I am starting to hate the colour but there is almost no way we would be able to repaint at the moment… I just don’t have any ideas how to make this place feel more like home and of course being hormonal and in a nesting mode is definitely not helping.

Of course, not getting out is not helping the boys’ moods either… they seem to be feeling stir crazy and not wanting to play in the back yard. Though they don’t say anything, I know that I am not being very present at the moment and that has been making me feel even more in a rut.

I just feel… defeated.

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This is the third pregnancy that I have made sure to drink Red Raspberry Leaf tea through out the pregnancy…

I have been learning more about herbs (still need to get my hand on a good book though… any suggestions welcome!) and this time I have made a point of adding more herbs to my tea to add more nutrients and vitamins and of course the other useful effects that herbs can bring.

My home mixed Pregnancy Tea is made primarily of 3 herbs (though I will soon be adding a fourth as soon as I get to the store).

Red Raspberry Leaf: One of the main reasons of taking RRL in pregnancy is that it strengthens the uterine muscles making labour more efficient. RRL is high in Calcium and Magnesium which helps relieve cramps and is also high in Iron, making it great for energy and anaemia. It also helps settle an upset stomach.  Taken after birth, it helps with bleeding, helps the Uterus regain tone and increases milk supply.

Nettles: Nettle is an amazing herb. It is rich in Iron, Calcium and Folic Acid which is very important in  pregnancy. It strengthens the Kidneys which reduces fluid retention, and also supports the vascular system which helps prevent varicose veins and hemorrhoids. Taken after birth it can help with hemorrhaging and bleeding and also helps increase the milk supply.

Oatstraw: Oatstraw is another herb that is high in Calcium and Magnesium. It is also high in Vit. A, B, C and E. Oatstraw is known to help alleviate pain and has a calming effect on the nervous system which helps with anxiety and depression and also helps for a more restful sleep. It is also an herb that helps the immune system.

The next herb that I will be getting is Dandelion root.

Dandelion root is a great diuretic, helping to clean and strengthen the liver, kidney and gallbladder (though I no longer have the latter). It also replaces the potassium loss in frequent urination.

I put the same amount of each of the herbs in a Jar to make a large batch of loose tea that I can just take a bit of each day without any fuss. I boil my water, place 2 heaping tsp of the tea in a 1L Mason Jar and fill the jar nearly to the brim with the hot water…

I give it a quick stir (mostly because I love to see it swirl)

And then let it cool down… as I prefer to drink this tea warm or even cold… if I am wanting to drink it hot I add a tsp of my favourite “chunky fruit tea” to add a bit of sweetness to the flavour…and now that I am in the third trimester, I make sure to drink at least 3 cups of it every day…

I couldn’t find my tea sieve the other day (I have since cleaned out my tea shelf and found it) but I had an idea and used my Sprout Jar top for the tea. It works perfectly, cleans easily and I definitely will keep on using it… though I do only use it after letting the tea steep and cool down…

**The general rule for RRL in Pregnancy is 1 cup in the first trimester, 2 cups in the second and 3 in the third.  So if you make this, make sure that in the first six months you make the adjustment or made it separate from the rest of the herbs.

Of course this tea is not only good in pregnancy but is also great at any time, especially for women and their monthly cycles.

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I am now completely in the third trimester and I am feeling it…

My pelvic pain (SPD) is in full force and it is hard to turn over in bed without tears coming to my eyes and I am definitely waddling when walking… though I knew it was coming because it started a few weeks ago, it was on and off and still not too bad until now… I thought that last time it got worse later on but when I looked back at my pregnancy journal I realize that things are pretty similar to my pregnancy with Khéna…

Talking about the pregnancy journal, I am enjoying looking back at it… in some ways I wish that I would have done the same this time, but I am also not in the same place as I was last time and I am a lot more laid back about UPing…

Last time, I felt I needed to do something and realized around 29 weeks that it was pretty much useless… if something doesn’t feel right, it isn’t the little “checkups” that will tell me, it is what I am feeling at the moment that is important… but this morning when I decided to measure my fundus height for the first time in a few months and saw that I was measuring 34cm (about 5 weeks ahead) and it was reassuring to look back and see that at about the exact same time last pregnancy it was exactly the same… I am carrying quite differently (high and in) and this baby is flipping over all the time which is different for me also… Of course, I only did one more update after the 29 week one last time so I won’t be able to compare much anymore for another 6 weeks…

I just can’t believe how fast things are going… In 4 weeks it will be Khéna’s third birthday… 4 weeks later will be X-mas and then about 4 weeks after that there will be a new babe in our home and Simon will be starting his paternity leave…I am actually wishing a bit that I will go later as I did with Xavier and Khéna (I know I won’t be thinking like that at the end).

Because Simon will get 7 months of paternity leave, the longer the babe stays in, the more of the summer he will have with us…

We still haven’t done anything to prepare for the baby either…

I need to

• buy a dresser (or put shelves up in the boys closet for their clothes) so that the baby gets the baby dresser…
• Get the clothes out of the shed and declutter it, keeping only the minimum… (we have WAY too much)
• Start making some meals for the freezer
• Find my birth/exercise ball and inflate it
• Prepare a basket for the birth and find my list of what tinctures to use when in labour
• Figure out if I am going to encapsulate the Placenta and get the necessary tools I need for that if I do.
• and of course there are probably a few more things that I forgetting about at the moment…

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