Comments on: Guilt… http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/ My journey through motherhood being a black sheep in the parenting world... Thu, 20 Nov 2008 12:44:32 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: Sensible Living » Blog Archive » Misplaced Reactionary Guilt Based Defensiveness http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1405 Sensible Living » Blog Archive » Misplaced Reactionary Guilt Based Defensiveness Tue, 18 Nov 2008 23:39:41 +0000 http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1405 [...] meaning to write a post on misplaced reactionary guilt based defensiveness for quite some time. Paxye’s written about guilt before and we’ve talked at length about this subject but I’d like to take [...] [...] meaning to write a post on misplaced reactionary guilt based defensiveness for quite some time. Paxye’s written about guilt before and we’ve talked at length about this subject but I’d like to take [...]

]]> By: hen http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1187 hen Thu, 26 Jun 2008 10:36:36 +0000 http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1187 Hiya! What a fantastically written and spot on post. It's even worse trying to help people see the effect of guilt on children when you don't have children yourself. My beautiful niece and nephew were born, like all children, incredible creatures, full of the energy of life and learning capacities of a giant sponge! The older they get the more they are becoming apathetic about the wonder of life and more reliant on cola, t.v. and plastic. The oldest is only 4. Breaks my heart. Their parents feel huge guilt at this, but somehow they can't bring themselves to change it. It's too hard for them. The more guilt they feel the worse it gets. It's such a hard situation. All I can do to help is interact with my niece and nephew as much as possible, in the way that gets them enjoying the simple things again. A weekend playing outside, making fairy dens and catching bugs and they don't ask for telly or sweets and they sleep all night without crying that they don't want to go to bed and wake up happy and refreshed. The difference is amazing. But then, I don't have to look after them everyday. So what do I know. love hen xx Hiya!

What a fantastically written and spot on post. It’s even worse trying to help people see the effect of guilt on children when you don’t have children yourself.

My beautiful niece and nephew were born, like all children, incredible creatures, full of the energy of life and learning capacities of a giant sponge! The older they get the more they are becoming apathetic about the wonder of life and more reliant on cola, t.v. and plastic. The oldest is only 4. Breaks my heart.

Their parents feel huge guilt at this, but somehow they can’t bring themselves to change it. It’s too hard for them. The more guilt they feel the worse it gets.

It’s such a hard situation. All I can do to help is interact with my niece and nephew as much as possible, in the way that gets them enjoying the simple things again. A weekend playing outside, making fairy dens and catching bugs and they don’t ask for telly or sweets and they sleep all night without crying that they don’t want to go to bed and wake up happy and refreshed. The difference is amazing. But then, I don’t have to look after them everyday. So what do I know.

love hen
xx

]]> By: Sara http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1183 Sara Tue, 24 Jun 2008 18:30:48 +0000 http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1183 I was almost completely clueless about how I would parent when I became pregnant for the first time. I'd never heard about attachment parenting. I didn't know if I would have a natural birth or not. I knew I would breastfeed. That's about the only one of the things I feel so strongly about now that I felt strongly about then. Perhaps the main reason that I put so much effort into finding a way to parent that felt good was because my mother would tell me that she wished she had done things differently, but she hadn't known what else to do. She has always expressed great remorse for the way she parented. Since I didn't have my mother's example to fall back on, I had to find something. Then after trying so hard to do better for my own children, I encountered all that defensiveness from parents who chose differently. I was almost completely clueless about how I would parent when I became pregnant for the first time. I’d never heard about attachment parenting. I didn’t know if I would have a natural birth or not. I knew I would breastfeed. That’s about the only one of the things I feel so strongly about now that I felt strongly about then. Perhaps the main reason that I put so much effort into finding a way to parent that felt good was because my mother would tell me that she wished she had done things differently, but she hadn’t known what else to do. She has always expressed great remorse for the way she parented. Since I didn’t have my mother’s example to fall back on, I had to find something.

Then after trying so hard to do better for my own children, I encountered all that defensiveness from parents who chose differently.

]]> By: mojavi http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1182 mojavi Tue, 24 Jun 2008 13:47:28 +0000 http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1182 WOW!!! That is exactly what I was trying to say!... So well put. I am going to link to this post from my blog.. I have been struggling trying to explain on my blog why posting facts about co-sleeping is not trying to make other moms feel guilty. WOW!!! That is exactly what I was trying to say!… So well put. I am going to link to this post from my blog.. I have been struggling trying to explain on my blog why posting facts about co-sleeping is not trying to make other moms feel guilty.

]]> By: Lynnie http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1181 Lynnie Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:31:28 +0000 http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1181 When I had my first daughter I was surprised that so much of the "parenting culture" around here was influenced by another force--fear. Parents were afraid of everything: turning the seat at the wrong time, not reading books early enough, not attending music classes when the rest of the families were. It was really disappointing to be surrounded by all this fear when I just wanted to relish my new baby with 100% of my energy. I learned to just ignore the comments. I made the best decisions I could and kept informed, but didn't get swept away. When I had my first daughter I was surprised that so much of the “parenting culture” around here was influenced by another force–fear. Parents were afraid of everything: turning the seat at the wrong time, not reading books early enough, not attending music classes when the rest of the families were. It was really disappointing to be surrounded by all this fear when I just wanted to relish my new baby with 100% of my energy. I learned to just ignore the comments. I made the best decisions I could and kept informed, but didn’t get swept away.

]]> By: mamamilkers http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1180 mamamilkers Tue, 24 Jun 2008 01:11:50 +0000 http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1180 I sooooooooooo agree with all of this. You put it so eloquently! I sooooooooooo agree with all of this. You put it so eloquently!

]]> By: amanda http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1179 amanda Tue, 24 Jun 2008 01:09:05 +0000 http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1179 I looked up the word guilt and the definitions that resonated with me are: shame, wrong, inadequacy and morally delinquent. Hmmmm...I feel guilty a lot and it is usually associated with my own sense of selfishness. My guilt is around my mother... although I do feel guilty about my kids a lot of the time. I find it hard to convert people that "just don't get it" about schooling, birthing, breastfeeding, etc and I have come to realize that in most circles, especially down here in lala land, I just have to keep my mouth shut or I just won't have any friends! I do wish however that they would listen to me:) I looked up the word guilt and the definitions that resonated with me are: shame, wrong, inadequacy and morally delinquent. Hmmmm…I feel guilty a lot and it is usually associated with my own sense of selfishness. My guilt is around my mother… although I do feel guilty about my kids a lot of the time. I find it hard to convert people that “just don’t get it” about schooling, birthing, breastfeeding, etc and I have come to realize that in most circles, especially down here in lala land, I just have to keep my mouth shut or I just won’t have any friends!
I do wish however that they would listen to me:)

]]> By: Annie http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1177 Annie Mon, 23 Jun 2008 23:40:22 +0000 http://paxye.com/blog/guilt/#comment-1177 Wow, that blog post made me feel so guilty. Shame on you! Just kidding of course. I totally hear you. I wish people would take more responsibility for their feelings and reactions. It's certainly important to be aware of the way we are speaking so that we are compassionate and respectful to others but still be able to share our true thoughts and opinions on issues. And I'm not talking about sugar coating what we want to say either. From there it's up to the listener to hear what you are saying and that it's not being said as a means to making you feel guilty. As Eleanor Roosevelt so plainly stated, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Wow, that blog post made me feel so guilty. Shame on you!

Just kidding of course. I totally hear you. I wish people would take more responsibility for their feelings and reactions. It’s certainly important to be aware of the way we are speaking so that we are compassionate and respectful to others but still be able to share our true thoughts and opinions on issues. And I’m not talking about sugar coating what we want to say either. From there it’s up to the listener to hear what you are saying and that it’s not being said as a means to making you feel guilty.

As Eleanor Roosevelt so plainly stated, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

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